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ARISING FROM THE
DOORSTEP
By JoAnn
Streeter Shade
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to
you.
Therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him.
Isaiah 30:18
Domestic abuse, the violence that occurs
within our homes and our most cherished relationships, is a
robber and a thief. It inflicts pain upon all those it touches.
It robs its victims of their identity. It silences the voice
that strains to be heard. It strips away personal power. It can
be deadly.
Yet the damage of domestic abuse can be
redeemed. Pain can be healed, name recovered, voice reclaimed,
and self empowered.
This resource is a journal which offers hope
to those robbed by abuse. Primarily focused toward women
(statistically the majority of victims of abuse), its questions
are appropriate for people of both genders who have been hurt by
those they have loved.
A word of caution: Keep these pages in a safe
place, so that they cannot be used to harm you. It may be
helpful to have a friend, pastor, or counselor to talk with
regarding your journey down this road.
A word of promise: And the peace of God which
transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your
minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7)
Woman, Abused.
She was young, forced to be a mistress to a wealthy man.
She escaped and returned to her father’s house.
She was tracked down.
She was returned to his possession.
She was sacrificed to a mob of men.
She was raped.
She was left for dead on the doorstep.
In death, she was dismembered and scattered throughout the land.
Thus ends the story of the Levite’s concubine.
In a contemporary translation or paraphrase, take some time
to read the story of the Levite’s concubine recorded in Judges
19.
Jot down a few words that reflect your reaction to this
narrative.
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Owning Pain
O sacrificed one of Gibeah.
No pain is every wholly wasted.
Your terror unto death informs my shadowed soul.
A bone tossed to assuage the cravings of the snarling curs.
A pawn in villainous hands.
Yet your pain is cherished.
I see you.
Domestic abuse arrives in a variety of
clothing. Place a check beside those you’ve experienced. Place
an ‘x’ beside those you’ve witnessed.
| ____ slapped |
____ raped |
____ stripped |
| ____ hit |
____ bitten |
____ broken
bones |
| ____ punched |
____ cursed at |
____ abandoned |
| ____ isolated |
____ stalked |
____ pushed
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| ____ intimidated
|
____ robbed |
____ thrown
to floor |
Feelings surrounding the abuse are also varied. In the
following chart, write some words in each column that describe
your own feelings.
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It is surrendering our emptiness
to our Father
in the midst of our struggle that opens our heart to
the sorrow and unwept tears
that we so desperately want him to touch.
Dan Allender, Bold Purpose |
Healing begins when pain is acknowledged and mourned.
Healing becomes possible when we find
something that matters more than our pain.
What is currently in your life that could
become the ‘something’ that matters more than your pain?
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What would be a first step in allowing that ‘something’ to
push aside the pain?
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For the Lamb at the center of the
throne will be their shepherd;
He will lead them to springs of living water,
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Revelation 7:17
Read again the story of the concubine. If the
young woman had been able to write from the doorstep, what would
she have said? Write a letter from the concubine to her father,
speaking of the pain of betrayal and the pain of violence.
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Recovering Name
O concubine of Ephraim.
No name is ever wholly forgotten.
Your mother’s lips brushed identity upon your being.
A fragile vase, auctioned to the highest bidder,
Stripped naked of dignity.
Yet your name whispers gently.
I know you.
Those suffering abuse are often labeled by
the reasons that keep them in the relationship. Change the name
in the first column to a brave new name in the third column and
add a specific action that you can choose to make that name a
reality.
| Abused Name |
Abused Action |
Brave Name |
Brave Action |
| The blind |
Not realizing it is abuse |
Ex. The
truth-teller |
Speaking the truth to another
adult |
| The defective |
I deserved it;
I'll do better |
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The gullible |
He's really sorry, and it won't
happen again |
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The defender |
He didn't mean to hurt me |
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The helpless |
I can't make it on my own |
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The worthless |
No one else would ever love me |
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We are called many names through life.
Think of the names you have been called, both healthy and
unhealthy, and write each on an index card. Separate the
names into two piles—one pile to
discard and the other to keep. As you hold the cards in the
discard pile, speak that name out loud and then speak a
sentence as to why that name is no longer yours. An example
would be the name “worthless” and the sentence would be, “I
have worth because I am a child of God.”
To those who overcome, I will give some of the
hidden manna.
I will also give each of them a white stone
with a new name written on it,
known only to the one who receives it.
Revelation 2:17
Find a white stone that can be a reminder to
you of that promise.
Claiming Voice
O virgin daughter of Bethlehem.
No voice is ever wholly silenced.
Its muted plea leaps from the preserved page.
As a pebble released disturbs the hushed waters,
So too your neglected cry echoes still.
Yet your voice speaks on.
I hear you.
Reclaiming our voice allows us to articulate
the questions we’ve been too afraid to ask. These questions
might include:
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What is my role in this relationship? |
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Do I dare stay? |
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Can he/she change? |
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Is it too late? |
Find a trusted friend that will help you
to speak the questions out loud. Practice a variety of
answers to the questions.
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You do not need to know
precisely what is happening,
Or exactly where it is all going.
What you need is to recognize the possibilities
and challenges
Offered by the present moment,
And to embrace them with courage, faith and
hope.
Thomas Merton |
Carry a notebook with you for a week, and
jot down every self-talk message you give yourself. Read
them out loud to yourself and see what your reaction is.
Discovering Power
O woman of the Levite’s hand.
No power is ever wholly diminished.
Your forced return refuses to negate your courageous
leaving.
A glittering prize reclaimed as rightful possession,
Relinquished to lust unrestrained, snores unbroken.
Yet your power surges through your spattered blood.
I touch you.
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Power comes from combining
integrity and truth
with compassion and concern for others.
Kathleen Fisher, Women at the
Well |
Think about the ways you give away your
power. Fill in the chart below.
| What I did to give away my power |
What I could have done
differently |
How the results could
have been different |
| Ex. I giggled when I was scared. |
I could have kept my face
serious and my voice low and controlled. |
I would have respected
myself more. And I might have been heard. |
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I can claim my anger in healthy
ways.
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I will take responsibility for my anger. |
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I will express my angry feelings. |
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I will state my feelings to the person I
am angry with. |
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I will breathe deeply before I convey my
anger. |
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I will . . . |
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can
comfort others.
When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the
same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT
Create a healing book for yourself. Make
it in a blank book or a notebook. Include pictures of
yourself laughing and at peace. Add any encouraging letters
or cards you may have received. Make pages with stories and
pictures of powerful women. Include Scripture verses that
give you strength. Share the book with your friend or group.
Look at it every day. It is possible to live a powerful,
safe, and healthy life.
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Major
(Dr.) JoAnn Shade ministers in a dual clergy role
with The Salvation Army in Ashland, Ohio, currently
involved in the development of
